Like so many ladies (and gents), I watched the Bachelortette wedding Sunday night. Well, I watched most of it until the cable completely went out as they were about to say their vows. I took that as a sign it was probably time to dry my eyes and go to bed. But something earlier in the show, when Ashley and J.P. met with their wedding planner, really stuck with me. She seemed to ask them rapid-fire questions about what their visions were for style, colors, bridal party, flower girls, first dance, party favors, cake, food, bridal party gifts, and a million other things. Not once did she ask them whether they wanted any of these items in the first place and not once did Ashley and J.P. seem to stop and consider that question on their own.
That moment made it more clear to me than ever before that we need to be careful. Really, really careful. At times it can be easy to do things simply because you think you’re supposed to do them. From the start, we’ve tried to throw the rules out the window and make decisions about the day that are truly meaningful to us. The Bachelorette wedding was a great reminder to stick to that framework. I want to be really aware of framing the question, are we doing this? Before we ask how are we going to do it?
For instance, instead of “who’s going to sit at the head table?” we’ve asked,”are we having a head table?” (Probably not.) Instead of “what kind of flowers do we want for our centerpieces?” we’ve asked, “are we doing centerpieces and if so, what kind?” (TBD.) Instead of “what are our wedding colors?” we’ve asked, “are we having wedding colors?” (Nope.) Instead of “what kind of cake should we have?” we’ve asked ”are we having a cake?” (Is the sky blue?)
I hope it doesn’t seem like wedding planning has been one long list of no’s for us–I promise it hasn’t (just see our big YES to a videographer, venue, and my yes to the dress). It’s just that unless we stop to consider these things it can quickly become a bunch of yeses without much purpose or meaning behind them. Heck, we even intentionally decided to have a traditional wedding in the first place. We discussed many other options like eloping to Europe or a having a much smaller family wedding before deciding it was truly important to us to be able to celebrate with our family and friends. Plus, I really, really, really want a big dance party–it’s my favorite part of any wedding. For our day, each yes we’ve made is an upper case YES with about 10 million exclamation points after it!
For the most part, many of our decisions are made with our priorities in mind. For me, decor is low on my list of priorities. Maybe I’m missing a gene, but I can’t get excited about overall design (one reason we chose a naturally beautiful and charming venue to begin with). I want to marry my guy and celebrate! I don’t want to worry about what colors our chair garlands (yeah, it’s a thing) should be. That’s why we’ve decided to put most of our budget and energy toward things that have to do with the overall experience (like a band, the venue, and some fun surprises for guests) vs. those that are about the details (though they will still get some attention). I already know the day and the space will be filled with so much love, joy, and romance. In my mind those are feelings no amount of flowers or candles could ever convey.
Just for fun I thought I’d share with you some of my favorite wedding inspiration that captures the simplicity I love so much.